In mijn vorige post schreef ik over mama haar verjaardag en Moederdag. Deze dagen kwam na elkaar binnen een week. Deze keer schrijf ik over papa zijn sterfdag en Vaderdag. Ook deze 2 dagen komen na elkaar binnen een week.
Weer 2 dagen waar ik enorm tegen op zit. Van de week keek ik weer even de reclameblaadjes door. Overal stond er weer van alles voor Vaderdag in. Ik heb ze gelijk maar weg gegooid. Vaderdag… tja zulke dagen wil ik het allerliefste vermijden. Maarja daar zal ik nooit onderuit komen. Gelukkig heb ik nog een bonus papa en kan ik toch een beetje Vaderdag “vieren”.
Aankomende zaterdag is het 4 jaar geleden dat papa mij verliet. En elke dag mis ik hem steeds meer. Omdat het niet de papa is van mijn broers en zus is voelt deze dag ook extra alleen. De afgelopen 4 jaren hebben we met deze dag ook niks bijzonders gedaan. Ik ga wel altijd naar het graf van mijn ouders op zo’n dag. Dit jaar heb ik wel besloten dat ik met mijn familie wil zijn. Omdat ik weer bezig ben met therapie, heb ik weer het gevoel dat die dag dan even wat extra heftiger is. Omdat je er al weer zo mee bezig bent geweest, zit dat continu in je hoofd. Ik wil mezelf met zo’n dag dan ook niet weg stoppen. Een beetje afleiding is dan wel goed. Op zulke dagen moet je niet gaan piekeren en alleen zijn. Daarom heb ik ervoor gekozen om deze zaterdag wat te gaan doen met mijn familie. Gelukkig krijg ik die dag dan veel steun van hun.
Ik mis mijn vader heel erg. Mijn vader was altijd erg handig. En nu moet je met zulke dingen het maar zelf doen. (Of zeuren bij mijn broers haha). Mijn vader was altijd gek van sport, en kon hier ook altijd veel over vertellen. Vroeger gingen we dan ook altijd samen hierna kijken. Zulke dingen ga je dan toch wel missen. Maar ook mijn diplomering komt eraan. Alle klasgenootjes nemen dan ook hun ouders mee, en dan is dat wel moeilijk om te zien. Papa was er bij mijn aller eerste diplomering van het vmbo er ook niet bij. Dit vond ik toen erg moeilijk. Vorig jaar en aankomende diplomering word ik dar dan ook weer extra aan herinnerd. Ik hoop dat ze alsnog er wel bij zullen zijn.
Voor iedereen die wel nog een papa heeft; verwen hem met Vaderdag en vertel hem hoeveel je van hem houdt! Want ik zou willen dat ik dat nog elke dag zou kunnen zeggen.
Dankjewel voor het lezen!
– XOXO-
Merlin
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